Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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