Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
