You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
