Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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