The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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