..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
