Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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