i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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