you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
