i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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