god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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