dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
