Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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