i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
