My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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