Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
