just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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