I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
