That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
