This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
