what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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