a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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