You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
