I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
