some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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