Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
