Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
