end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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