I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
