Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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