he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She told me I should be a condom model.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
