I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
