Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Its about making memories worth repressing
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
