Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
