I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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