I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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