I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
