thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
