Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
