I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
