happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
