??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
