You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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