I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
