You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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