turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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