If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
