even my farts smell like vagina
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
meet me or not, i'm out of control
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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