reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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