She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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